Lloyd Carr: "Welcome to Wal-Mart"

I was hanging out with some of my MICHIGANDER friends this weekend at the Hoary Oasis in the Village, and even though none of us could give a fuckall about ANY football, I couldn't help but make the joke, "Welcome to Wal-Mart, I'm Lloyd," of course referring to Michigan coach Lloyd Carr, after the Wolverines got their asses kicked two weeks in a row (we were making jokes about how Appalachian State players had rope belts and no shoes). Well, I guess I hit a soft spot, because boy they were pissed! It was a falling out that was bound to happen, eventually, however, as they are a bunch of sniveling pansy coke-fiends. I'm tired of their ugly clothes soiled with shit-stains, and their bad taste in music, and their generally shallow, boring lives making money on Wall Street. But, you know, we go way back (to grad school at CalTech, specifically) and they generally don't notice when I steal things from them while house-sitting.

March Muddiness

This has got to be the last year that I let NCAA basketball take over my life for MORE than a month. I actually made a killing in the office poll (I had 10 points on the final, so...) $$$$ but, still, it's the TIME I devote to it. IT's gotten to be this red vs blue thing like politics, except with basketball it's COOL teams vs. ANNOYING teams.

WHo are the annoying teams year after year? Duke, every year, of course, just because Coach K did those stupid commercials, and he always looks like he's smelling something bad, and he is the master of recruiting REALLY UGLY players, especially those with really bad haircuts. Arizona is always annoying, it's like the have the same players year after year, and a coach whose name is a REALLY annoying "musical" instrument. UCLA, always annoying. Same with Kentucky, but maybe they're more boring than annoying, and now that Tubby Smith left, that may change. Notre Dame just for being Notre Dame. That's about it-- Oh, Kansas... time for new uniforms, maybe ?

Stanford would be, maybe, but then they will have players like that Sauer guy who looked like he should be bombing the student center in a early 70s counter-culture movie, played by Elliott Gould. And Gonzaga you have to like, just because they had that guy (I know, last year) who had an even uglier attempted moustache than Larry Bird. Florida were annoying, but you had admire them, except for that Noah guy-- though if just ONE PERSON could have pronounced his first name I'd have been happier-- but that ponytail-- I like when BB players have long hair, but if it's long hair that could possibly injure someone, that's just too much.

I don't know if anyone remembers that Robert Redford movie, Jeremiah Johnson, where he played this mountain man. I always like how he said, "March is a green muddy month DOWN BELOW. Some folks like it. Farmers mostly." You know, really disdainfully. No, philosophically. I always think that, every year, in March, and I agree, some day I think I'd rather still be up in the mountains. And with no goddamn satellite dish, either.

I'M NOT GAY!

What better way to COME OUT than to put out a PRESS RELEASE announcing to the WORLD that you're NOT GAY!

You may as well include a statement, as well, that says: I'M NOT TRANSPARENT!

Not that I'M gay, or anything. I'm just saying...

Best Movies of 2006

It was a TERRIBLE year for movies... maybe more, a terrible year for me. I could have seen something like those Belgian guys depressing movie, which I would have probably loved, but instead I went to see Little Miss Sunshine and almost puked before I got home.

So what I'm doing here is listing the 10 best moves I saw this year, whether it be at the theater, or at home on DVD, or at a friends house on video, or on an airplane (didn't happen.) Here they are:

10. A Knee is Exposed in Brooklyn
9. Stalking Emily Rosedale
8. Torque
7. The Chinese Side of Wild Bill Hickok
6. Hey Mussolini!
5. Seafood
4. The Pasta Diaries
3. Nose Out To Here
2. Open Marriage
1. The Devil's Lover

Top Music of 2006

Whether it be vinyl, CD, cassette, download, podcast, myspace, toilet, nextroom, subway, busker, sewer, rooftop, or bar, here is this music that floated my rock in 2006.

10. Luther Shadeek "OPEK"
9. Green Day Packers "Somewhere Someway Have At It"
8. Sommelier "Cats, Food, Water"
7. Trifecta "Apartment 16787"
6. Turk Svensen "Business Nor Pleasure"
5. Groundnutz "Masturbation Mutt"
4. Locke Johnson "Fonda's Evil Twin"
3. Sweet Sister #17 "Foofaraw"
2. Topsy-Turvy "Vacation in Vermont"
1. Sam Cadbury "Fondness"