IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU'RE TOO DAMN CLOSE

About that calendar...

2011-11-01T06:19:00.003-04:00

It has been brought to my attention that some jackass "featured" this blog on his poorly designed and cheaply xeroxed calendar, but being a calendar (and much more useful than say a half-heartedly ranting quasi-religious tract) some otherwise innocent people might decide to have a look at this sadly neglected "blog" (though given the half-assed nature of the rendering of this particular month-- obviously knocked off at the 11th hour-- I doubt that it will draw any interest here). Regardless, though, I obviously haven't written anything here since 2009!-- but feel obligated now to at least "catch up."

Right now I'm in Las Vegas, trying to raise enough money to make it back to New York from my overextended West Coast (Portland, Oregon, pretty much) trip. I don't enjoy gambling at all, but it's an easy way for me pick up a few dollars quickly. While I'm here, I thought I might experience a classic hotel (well, one wishes) and check out a cheap eatery or two, and maybe review them on the yelp thing, where at least I feel like a one or two people read them.

Anyway, since I've gouged a hole in the side of this ghost ship, I might check back here from time to time for some morbid laughs before it sinks altogether.

Christmas Card

2009-12-22T17:12:00.002-05:00

Hi, it's Richard.

As a genreally nice and caring person, I just want to apologize for what a total asshole I turn into -- for some unexplained reason -- every year, right about this time.

XXXOOO

Where's Dick?

2009-10-04T22:21:00.000-04:00

See you after (college) football season is over!

What the Yelp?

2009-07-26T11:10:00.005-04:00

OK you who know me are going to say what a hypocrite because yes I always refused to pay any attention to Yelp -- much less write anything for it -- criticising my friends who do "for working for free." But I've found when looking for restaurants, not only is it the best place to look, it's the only place, unless you search pretty thoroughly and find something on a blog somewhere. But as far as the first page of google searches, all the other websites that supposedly review restaurants are WORTHLESS. At least with Yelp you can find more up-to-date information and a variety of opinions. Sure, maybe most of them are asinine, but they're often entertaining! And you can quickly figure out who you have similar tastes to and kind of make an assessment about a place easier than with any other website.

And when it comes to restaurants, as everyone knows, I certainly have opinions! And a lot of mine are at least as asinine as the most asinine ones out there. So I'm going to start writing some reviews in my spare time. You know, all my spare time...

Finally Something To Complain About

2009-06-02T16:06:00.000-04:00

The Mid-Manhattan Branch of the New York Public Library has seemingly been overwhelmed with the stress of the bad economy. I suppose this makes sense if the way libraries survive is by funding from private donors, which has no doubt lately diminished, or by public funds which have diminished as well. Lately they are pleading with library users to donate, as they should, and as should all library users who can afford it. All of this, however, does not excuse bad behavior by patrons to employees, due to long lines, etc, and it certainly does not excuse employees being rude to patrons. Just because one can use the library without paying money up front doesn’t mean that one is a deadbeat or criminal. I just don’t see any excuse at all for library employees to treat patrons like shit.

Obviously I’m writing this because I was recently at the library and had a guy working the checkout be extremely rude to me. He was nasty to the point where I almost made a comment to him, which is something I never do. Then I almost called the library, later, to complain. Then I thought better of it. Maybe just write something, I thought, for my online journal that has been sadly neglected for the last year or so.

Maybe this guy had been working in the high flying, well compensated world of finance and suddenly found himself with no job and a lot of rent. Reduced to working a near minimum wage job at the Public Library, he is now both bitter and bringing his asshole Wall Street attitude to his new work. If this is so, hey, a lot of us would love that low paying library job. If you were making so much money before, you should have put some in the bank, put aside for this type of situation. If you didn’t, it’s not our fault. But who knows, maybe this guy is just a natural born asshole and would be an asshole in any job for any amount of pay, if he was the CEO of Asshole America or working at McDonald’s.

But still, there is something about libraries that I love more than retail stores, gyms, fast food places, or even nice restaurants. They are not corporate offices and they are certainly not gas stations. I realize that we are all privileged to a tremendous degree to even have public libraries in our communities. But a library is a privilege for everyone; those who patronize it and those who work there. You don’t have to be an ass kisser if you’re working at a library, but I don’t think it’s right to be an asshole to patrons just because they are not paying money. Plus, we are all paying, everyone in the community who buys things, pays rent, pays taxes, and generally lives in the community. We are all paying one way or another. Libraries may be a privilege, but they are also a necessity for civilization. I think I’m alarmed when I see someone working at a library treating people badly. It’s a sign the end of civilization is near.

So I was wrong!

2008-01-09T10:37:00.000-05:00

So, Michigan was the only team in the Big Ten to do anything in a bowl game.

But really that made me happy.

This is journalism.

I think the sports talk about conferences has gotten really old.

I think the talk about the BCS not working, playoffs, all that, has gotten really really old.

Everyone can speculate and complain and suggest all they want.

But the bottom line is money and it always will be.

All the controversy and arguing is free advertising for the people making money.

What I'm doing right now is free advertising for the people making money.

I'm an idiot.

Lloyd Carr: "Welcome to Wal-Mart"

2007-09-10T15:20:00.000-04:00

I was hanging out with some of my MICHIGANDER friends this weekend at the Hoary Oasis in the Village, and even though none of us could give a fuckall about ANY football, I couldn't help but make the joke, "Welcome to Wal-Mart, I'm Lloyd," of course referring to Michigan coach Lloyd Carr, after the Wolverines got their asses kicked two weeks in a row (we were making jokes about how Appalachian State players had rope belts and no shoes). Well, I guess I hit a soft spot, because boy they were pissed! It was a falling out that was bound to happen, eventually, however, as they are a bunch of sniveling pansy coke-fiends. I'm tired of their ugly clothes soiled with shit-stains, and their bad taste in music, and their generally shallow, boring lives making money on Wall Street. But, you know, we go way back (to grad school at CalTech, specifically) and they generally don't notice when I steal things from them while house-sitting.

March Muddiness

2007-04-04T13:42:00.000-04:00

This has got to be the last year that I let NCAA basketball take over my life for MORE than a month. I actually made a killing in the office poll (I had 10 points on the final, so...) $$$$ but, still, it's the TIME I devote to it. IT's gotten to be this red vs blue thing like politics, except with basketball it's COOL teams vs. ANNOYING teams.

WHo are the annoying teams year after year? Duke, every year, of course, just because Coach K did those stupid commercials, and he always looks like he's smelling something bad, and he is the master of recruiting REALLY UGLY players, especially those with really bad haircuts. Arizona is always annoying, it's like the have the same players year after year, and a coach whose name is a REALLY annoying "musical" instrument. UCLA, always annoying. Same with Kentucky, but maybe they're more boring than annoying, and now that Tubby Smith left, that may change. Notre Dame just for being Notre Dame. That's about it-- Oh, Kansas... time for new uniforms, maybe ?

Stanford would be, maybe, but then they will have players like that Sauer guy who looked like he should be bombing the student center in a early 70s counter-culture movie, played by Elliott Gould. And Gonzaga you have to like, just because they had that guy (I know, last year) who had an even uglier attempted moustache than Larry Bird. Florida were annoying, but you had admire them, except for that Noah guy-- though if just ONE PERSON could have pronounced his first name I'd have been happier-- but that ponytail-- I like when BB players have long hair, but if it's long hair that could possibly injure someone, that's just too much.

I don't know if anyone remembers that Robert Redford movie, Jeremiah Johnson, where he played this mountain man. I always like how he said, "March is a green muddy month DOWN BELOW. Some folks like it. Farmers mostly." You know, really disdainfully. No, philosophically. I always think that, every year, in March, and I agree, some day I think I'd rather still be up in the mountains. And with no goddamn satellite dish, either.

I'M NOT GAY!

2007-02-20T20:51:00.000-05:00

What better way to COME OUT than to put out a PRESS RELEASE announcing to the WORLD that you're NOT GAY!

You may as well include a statement, as well, that says: I'M NOT TRANSPARENT!

Not that I'M gay, or anything. I'm just saying...

Best Movies of 2006

2007-01-02T22:12:00.000-05:00

It was a TERRIBLE year for movies... maybe more, a terrible year for me. I could have seen something like those Belgian guys depressing movie, which I would have probably loved, but instead I went to see Little Miss Sunshine and almost puked before I got home.

So what I'm doing here is listing the 10 best moves I saw this year, whether it be at the theater, or at home on DVD, or at a friends house on video, or on an airplane (didn't happen.) Here they are:

10. A Knee is Exposed in Brooklyn
9. Stalking Emily Rosedale
8. Torque
7. The Chinese Side of Wild Bill Hickok
6. Hey Mussolini!
5. Seafood
4. The Pasta Diaries
3. Nose Out To Here
2. Open Marriage
1. The Devil's Lover

Top Music of 2006

2007-01-01T23:28:00.000-05:00

Whether it be vinyl, CD, cassette, download, podcast, myspace, toilet, nextroom, subway, busker, sewer, rooftop, or bar, here is this music that floated my rock in 2006.

10. Luther Shadeek "OPEK"
9. Green Day Packers "Somewhere Someway Have At It"
8. Sommelier "Cats, Food, Water"
7. Trifecta "Apartment 16787"
6. Turk Svensen "Business Nor Pleasure"
5. Groundnutz "Masturbation Mutt"
4. Locke Johnson "Fonda's Evil Twin"
3. Sweet Sister #17 "Foofaraw"
2. Topsy-Turvy "Vacation in Vermont"
1. Sam Cadbury "Fondness"

Top Tens of 2006: Books

2006-12-30T15:21:00.000-05:00

Every year I like to end the year with some top 10 lists. First, here are my favorite books of the year:
10. Pavilion by Daniel Sark
9. Bore Me Elsewhere by Eve Bolivar
8. British Guy by Stephen Styron
7. Subclavian Text by Carl Cousteau
6. The Synthetic Junket by Lisa Anne Locke
5. Train Just Keep Rollin' by Eddy Baker
4. Plectrum by Ann Webster
3. Unanimous Decision by Terrance Johnson Peary
2. Breakfast at Valhalla by Ruth Paulson
1. Oat by Harry Houston

I don't know...

2006-12-09T21:09:00.000-05:00

I don't know about this BETA business-- it make me think of BETAMAX which if you don't remember was the video format that became completely OBSOLETE! It's also a greek letter, the second one of the alphabet, which makes you wonder, why do they call it BETA? I mean, if it's better, why not call it ALPHA? Isn't it implied that alpha is BETTER than beta? Or if they're going the OTHER direction, why not OMEGA. IT doesn't give me a whole lot of confidence calling something beta, let me tell you. The next thing you know they'll want to change it to... what's next? Gamma or something? I don't know my greek alphabet. What's the "C" in the greek alphabet, goddamnit?!?

superstiches

2006-10-14T03:27:00.000-04:00

tryed to POST something I wrote yesterday, FRIDAY 13, about how I was going to try to POST someting on Friday 13, but being superstitious caused my computer to crash at the moment of posting it and all was lost. So what ACTALLY happened is I wrote this crap, tryied to post it and my computer crashed and all was lost. I mean the thing I wrote was lost. ALL wasn't lost, not quite, not YET

Yankees and Mets

2006-10-04T19:36:00.000-04:00

I like them both exactly the same.

Bridge and Tunnel

2006-09-22T21:23:00.000-04:00

For the longest time when people were talking about the Bridge and Tunnel Crowd, I thought it was some kind of Dungeons and Dragons thing! I thought, what the hell are they talking about? But it turns out it's about people coming into Manhatten via bridges and tunnels! I guess that leaves out the Staten Island Ferry!

IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU'RE TOO DAMN CLOSE

2006-09-22T21:18:00.000-04:00

IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU'RE TOO DAMN CLOSE

Okay, I give up

2006-09-22T21:14:00.000-04:00

I put two things on here yesterday, and where are they?

Maybe I'll put my BLOOOOOG on a differnt website. These assholes are fucking with me. (that's the correct spelling of BLOOOOOOG by the way.)

Avenue C then and now.

2006-09-21T14:33:00.000-04:00

This is the view of Avenue C right across the street from where I live (behind the laundromat). The first picture is what it looked like a few years ago when I moved in here, and the second picture is how it looks today. Some people say it's an improvement, but I don't know.

Okay

2006-09-20T13:44:00.000-04:00

They put that one up just to appease me.

I was looking for this mcdonalds ad that I saw in a magaizne, with this black guy artist, it was really insane. Saying how he wasn't a straving artist becasue of mcdonalds' dollar menu! It's insane. But I coulnt find the ad, and so I looked at mcdonalds website and it made my whole computer freeze up, so whatever you do, don't go to mcdonalds website!!!

I'm trying to put a pitcture on here but it doe'st work

2006-09-20T13:03:00.000-04:00

This is the worst website on the whole internet, it works, then it doesn't then it does??? What the fuck is wrong with it???

Reward!

2006-08-28T18:15:00.000-04:00

I am offering a significant reward for anyone who can tell me who it was who got ahold of my password and posted stuff on my BlOg without me knowing about it. SOme of that stuff was about my ex-girlfriend, too, and she decided to punish me by deciding that we should get back together. That, and her rent went up by something like six thousand percent, I'm not exactly sure how much, but it was so much that we needed to get a mathematician friend to calculate the percentage. SHe wants to move back in with my in my place on Avenue C. But I warned her, that since they got the new quadruple load washers out front, it's not too easy to sleep late, because their spin cycle sounds like someone driving a cement mixer through the wall. ANyway, I'm not sure how much the reward will be, but it'll certainly be handsome, though maybe not quite as handsome as old Ben Franklin.

ABOUT ME

2006-04-21T16:22:00.000-04:00

Some hacker broke into my blog and wrote that bullshit "about me" stuff in there, yeah, pretty funny, and when I go to try to change it, there is nowhere to edit that! I don't know, I kind of prefer the STREET, where some guy says you're switch hitter and then you FIGHT! None of this cheap, sneaky, behind the back bullshit, hacking into people's shit and then changing things and calling them names. Ratfaced?!? Come on, is that the best you can do? Well, I guess the computer geeks have WON. Congratultions, I hope you're proud of yourselves for being so CLEVER.

guy with no shirt about in the middle

2006-04-19T16:41:00.000-04:00

Maybe it's not broke

2006-04-15T14:40:00.000-04:00

I wouldn'tn have wrtiten so much when I was drining had I known that it was working. I 'm sitting outside riight now in this big meadow that you wouold have NO IDEA that it's close enoguth for wireless, I geuss it's the huge apartment building next door. Used to be an apartment buildign, but now they're selling them as condos. It's like 80 degresss, sunny, and I have my shirt off, and I'm about through this sixapck of brand name shall goe nameless cans. It's a great fday. Ionly brought my labptop so I could play chess out here with myself and work on this long letter tomy grilfirend, I mean ex, whose now seeing this fuccking peryvy old guy. I'm going to write a masterpeace befxore I emial it to her, raethr than just whipong somtjing off likfe I usually do. I'm visiitng Milwaukew where I used to livew, by the way, heading back to NYC tomorrow night, allngitht crazy drivbe all at once. I ren'ted a stupid lookging PDcruiser, the rental guy at this selasyzy lpalce in queeens talked me into it, sounded like it' wasn't going to be extra-- it was. ANd gas is three dolares a gallon! I'm heading over to the pfister after this beeer, to hang out in the lobby/. The Yeahyeahyah's are in town , I"m not going,b ut I'm goin to try to tlak to that karen chuick at the hotel. THink i'll offeer her some calimari. IT's cool you can just f ukkng drink in public in Milwauke now lilke you used to be able to in New yourk. Now you can.'t , it's not legal in Milwaukee eiiher, but NO COPS! theyre all busy closing streets olff for parades, or beating people up at barbeques, they donn't bother with dick skilker! ciao

this things broke!!!!

2006-04-06T15:44:00.000-04:00

Now nothing that I write on here EVER appears on my THING, what's wrong, is it broke, or doesn't someone there like me??? THis isn'st run by people, though, right? It's automated, right?What's the problem with this piece of total crap?!?!? Like I have all day to just write stuff that's going off into space, or no, if it was going off into space that'd be good, actyualy, at least it'd be going SOMEWHERE! But this, writing stuff and having it go NOWHERE, into a VIRTUAL PAPER SHREDDER, if you will, it's worthless. Is someone there just laughing at me, or what. Is it some kind of EXPERIMENT to see how longs some idiot will just keep writing stuff that continues to disapprear, never EVER to go into his sorry PAGE, it just goes away, how long will this idiot continue to write stuff?
Happy Easter everyone!

wrote a damn thing here two days ago and it's not here!

2006-04-06T15:08:00.001-04:00

What's with this piece of crap website? I wrote something two days ago and it's not here! What did I do, accidently include some top secret governmet coded message or something? Of course I didn't keep a copy of it so it's GONE and I sure don't remember what I said, I was DRINKING for christskake! I mean sake. NO, not drinking SAKE! Yeah, okay, I was drinking CHRIST SAKE. JESUS SAKE. It's a brand name. HE is on the label, but he looks suspiciously japanese. OKAY!?!?! so where did the damn thing go that I wrote? On someone elses BOG??? Blog??? Is there like one place where all the lost stuff goes? I want to subscribe to THAT motherfuck*r!

wrote a damn thing here two days ago and it's not here!

2006-04-06T15:08:00.000-04:00

What's with this piece of crap website? I wrote something two days ago and it's not here! What did I do, accidently include some top secret governmet coded message or something? Of course I didn't keep a copy of it so it's GONE and I sure don't remember what I said, I was DRINKING for christskake! I mean sake. NO, not drinking SAKE! Yeah, okay, I was drinking CHRIST SAKE. JESUS SAKE. It's a brand name. HE is on the label, but he looks suspiciously Japanese. OKAY!?!?! so where did the damn thing go that I wrote? On someone elses BOG??? Blog??? Is there like one place where all the lost stuff goes? I want to subscribe to THAT motherfuck*r!

answers to ALL of your problems!!!

2006-04-05T15:58:00.000-04:00

I'm just going to put my html here for a little bit while I do somthing else. It's kind of hard trying to hold too many things in your mind, or you memory, or your edit button, so this is just temporary until I can get back to it: scott tt wht pc 4.75 T /scott tt wht pc 4.75 t/ rdy a/b liq soap 2.15 t/ rdy hlf&hlf 1.69 t / mallquist brwn *w* 1.99 f / rndy filters m*w* 3.23 t / merktz chz 48oz* 24.95 t \\\::::

2006-03-20T16:37:00.000-05:00

I had so much to say this morning.